Thursday, June 9, 2011

Random ramblings for the day...

"I promise..."

"You can trust me..."

"I love you..."

These are phrases that should not be just thrown around, they are words that pack a lot of punch and you should never say unless you fully intend on following through.  Unfortuately, most of us have come to learn that not everyone can fully understand the power that these words possess.  Not everyone realizes that there are still some people in the world that hold these words close to them, and do NOT just throw them around trying to make someone feel good.  That is what leads to this rambling of the day.

Most of you did not know me before the beginning of this year, so you do not know exactly where I was in my life when P90X came into play.  I was absolutely head over heels in love.  He was the first guy that I could actually see myself being with forever.  He was amazing, and so was his family.  I felt like I fit right in with them and they made me feel welcome.  More than anything else though, he made me feel so good about myself I could not even belive it.  He helped me through my home buying process, and was even set to move in and be my roommate in December.  Then, out of the blue the second weekend of December things changed.  We had a great weekend, his parents were in town and they finally met my parents.  We all discussed our New Years plans because we were all spending it together here in Pittsburgh.  On Sunday night, all that he said was "I can't do this right now" and just like that my world fell apart.  I couldn't breathe and had no idea what I was going to do.  Not even my closest friends could comfort me.  It was the worst that I have ever felt in my life.

I had most of his stuff until February, I finally packed it up and told him to pick it up because I needed to move on with my life.  Obviously he did not care enough to even give me an explanation as to why things fell apart so suddenly like they did.  He picked up the boxes that I packed and it was the most awkward 45 minutes of my life.

Well, now it is June...and I thought that I had moved on...the feelings were gone and I could finally breathe again and feel like myself.  Then I found out that he is seeing someone and that waive of hurt and disappointment all came back.  Way to ruin my day...

But right now, at this very moment, I am making a promise to myself.  No more dwelling on the past.  I am moving on with my life.  I am in better shape than I ever have been, I have an amazing group of friends, and a fantastic family.  I would have never gotten through today if it were not for Kati, Lacey, Kristin, Mike, and Rachel. 

So from a girl that has been hurt, torn apart, and slowly put herself back together again...PLEASE DO NOT use the words "I promise...", "You can trust me...", and most of all "I love you..." unless you mean it.  Because when all is said and done, it is when we think of those phrases that we hurt the most...


1 comment:

Kati Heifner said...

I am so proud of you! we need to look foward & while it may be have so many wonderful opportunities in front of you!
“We cannot change our past. We can not change the fact that people act in a certain way. We can not change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.”