We had an assignment earlier this week to write down 3 positive affirmations on post-it notes and post them somewhere that we will look everyday...and we are to say them out loud EVERY TIME we see them. I decided that in this post I would explain why I wrote what I wrote...
I am not fat.
I can be really hard on myself sometimes. I look in the mirror and I don't see what everyone else sees and I sometimes feel like I am fat and gross. NO MORE THINKING LIKE THIS! I am NOT fat...And saying it every day out loud is starting to help me realize it.
I am going to finish everything that I start.
I am one of those people that will start something and go full force for a few day...then something happens and I quit...or I start making excuses as to why I CAN'T do it. Well newsflash...excuses won't get me anywhere. No more doing things half-assed. I am going to FINISH everything that I start from here on out.
I did everything in my power and do not feel guilty about what happened.
This is a hard one for me to wrap my head around. As you know from numerous earlier blog posts, I lost my Aunt Karen in May of 2011...and with her death I experienced a lot of guilt. I did not go and visit her in the hospital during her final days, and I was away on a trip (well on my way home) when she actually passed. I didn't get the chance to say good-bye or tell her how I felt. My Aunt and I talked every Tuesday night and the week before she died I was very short with her on the phone because I was shopping. So what makes me feel so guilty? There are the thoughts that have run through my head...and the thoughts that result in my guilt...I should have not gone to Chicago, and spent her final weekend by her side. I should have talked to her that Tuesday night. I should have been more persistent and MADE her go to the doctor. I should have invited her to my house. I should have introduced her to my dog. I should have visited her more often...
I know that she would not want me to feel guilty...she was proud of me and knew that I did everything the way that I did for a reason. She did not want me to see her die...she did not want me to see her suffer. If she did, she would have asked for me. Things happened the way that they did for a reason, and I did everything that I could do...I do not feel guilty anymore.