Family

I have a random rant.  Well, it is more me getting something that has been bothering me off of my chest, but it could end up being a rant.

As I stated in a few previous blogs, my Aunt Karen passed away on May 2nd, 2011 (R.I.P. I love you).  Upon her passing, my younger cousin and I found a copy of her will and in it, she left me all of her worldly possessions.  For those of you that knew my Aunt Karen know that this means she left me a LOT of stuff because she was a hoarder.  But the biggest thing that she left behind was a house.

Since the day that the will was found, things have changed.  My family was growing closer and I was finally developing the relationship with relatives that I had been hoping to have for many years.  The progress that we had made in trusting one another and confiding in each other has gone out the window.  Why?  All because of my Aunt Karen's wishes.  Since then, I have never felt so much hate, hostility and bitterness towards me ever in my life.  I love my family, and I HATE that they have so much hatred for me right now.

I understand that they are hurt, probably even offended.  Why was it left to me?  I don't know, ask Aunt Karen.  Why didn't she name anyone else in her will?  Again, I don't know, only she did.

I think that what bothers me the most, more than anything else is that people are failing to look at one big aspect of the situation.  Want to know what that is?

NOT ONCE has ANYONE asked me how I feel about it.  They only care about themselves and how it makes them feel.  Did I ASK for all of this? No.  Did I want any of this to happen?  NO.

The truth of the matter is, I didn't want any of this.  I had no control over what Aunt Karen did, I only have control over how I react to it.  Am I honored that she thought so highly of me that she thought to leave me everything?  Yes, I am.  I would be lying if I ever tried to claim that I wasn't.  I loved my aunt and I still do.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her.  I can't bring myself to delete her phone number out of my cell phone.  But just because Aunt Karen's wishes were what they were does NOT mean that I should lose other family members.

I guess what I am trying to say with all of this is simple.  IT'S NOT MY FAULT.  I did not CHOOSE to take on this load.  I just bought a house of my own and dealing with that by myself is hard enough, do you think that I was ready to take on the responsibility of another house?  I am not being a bitch about things either.  I wanted my whole family to work together to get things in order, but obviously that will never happen.  I am being pushied by the people that I love the most for a choice that was made withought any of us knowing when I was 13 years old.

That's all :)